It’s about us, not them. It is not about what is out there, because that is out of our control. When we have an argument with someone, or something goes wrong in our external world, there may be little or…

A few days ago, I went shopping for vacuum cleaner bags. I went to the local big box hardware store, found what I thought to be the right aisle, but the bags weren’t there. I asked someone for help, he…

Most of us are pretty functional, handling the stress of day-to-day life, not usually getting too angry or too upset, or too unhappy. We are reasonable people, reasonably good parents. So why do we need therapy? A happy person is…

An Eye for an Eye Leaves the Whole World Blind

In these contentious, divisive political times, it is incumbent upon us all to examine our beliefs about how to effect change. I don’t want to take a political stand in this blog. I do want to talk about how to…

Attachment Theory and The Process

In the Sunday Jan 8, 2017 New York Times (Sunday Review), an article on Attachment Theory sported the headline: “Yes, It’s Your Parents’ Fault” (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/07/opinion/sunday/yes-its-your-parents-fault.html). Attachment theory: the quality of our early attachments profoundly influences how we behave as adults….

We learn to be parents from watching our own parents. If your own parents were not the best parental role models (Did you have a good experience growing up? Do you want to be like your own mother or father?),…

In the Process, we address issues caused by how we were raised as children. But what happens when our adult children disappoint us? Why do our adult children disappoint us? It is not about them: it’s about us. What are…

Why we don’t remember people’s faults when they die

When someone dies, Jews respond in sympathy with “May his/her memory be for a blessing.”  Orthodox Christians respond with “Memory eternal”. Others say simply “Rest In Peace.” What I find interesting is why we tend not to remember people’s faults…

Childhood Hot Buttons

When I was growing up, my mother took great care not to create competition between my older sister and myself. She was very clear about who was good at what, but she also was clear that if it was my…

By Chandrama Anderson, LMFT Recently I was looking at one of my journals from the early 80s when I was 20 or 21 years old. I came across an entry about an interaction with my guy of that time. He…